This is falling in love in the cruel way - Taylor swift said so.

Oh lord, hi blog. 

I am just writing this as a way of escape because I honestly do not know who to turn to when it comes to this kind of situation. Honestly, I am stumped. I am out of answers. Or maybe I do not know how to answer certain / particular questions. Questions that sometimes I asked myself. Out of the curiosity and out of.... loneliness. 

So, about T and I.... I wish I had the answer, you know?  And sometimes I wish I had the chance to ask him. But, I have been always so afraid. of knowing. of wanting. of just being honest. Sometimes, words just came out so easily when I am having alone time. But somehow, why is it so hard for me to ask. 

Then you know, these doubts wont be cruising through my brain. 

Cruising like the car ride, hoping and praying for no crashes to occur.  

I craved for embrace. 

Lately, I have been craving and wanting of someone or T in particular to hug me. AND IT'S SO WEIRD. I mean, I would expect that kind of thought maybe when I am hormonal. BUT I WASNT. 

AND

That's just the downside of long distance. I just can't take 113 and go down to his house and knock and say "Hi, I need a hug". I can't do that. That seems so impossible. 

And even if I had the chance to do it, 

How the hell am I supposed to do that? 

Am I supposed to tell his mom "Aunty, I miss your son. Can he hug me right now?" 

HAHAAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAAH

 I think his mom would be laughing me, or with me. 

I really envious his colleagues, honestly. They can see him more than I see him. They can talk to him and just chat about so many things. And if they want anything, they can just "Hey! Let's meet up" It just feels so easy on their side. 

While I am here just waiting

for the next call or the next message. 

Or maybe the next meet-up. 

Honestly I miss him so much.

And sometimes temptations are there. 

I hope that this is not the acting of thinking too much. 

Am I overthinking? 

Why wasn't I feeling this way before? 

Hm.