June wassup?

Circuit breaker just ended recently.... or so I think. I don't really know what day it is anyway because it has been 2 months since I last went out. What have I been doing? Well, I have been illustrating my days away. This year, fasting and Raya first week falls on circuit breaker period so that's a plus. I have one less thing to think or stress over for. Avoiding my relatives from the never ending questions such as "when is your turn?" or "How is work? Eh, what are you working as ah?" Somehow, the answer of just "educator" isn't enough in this time, apparently. 

And I must admit, I used to worry about who to invite for my yearly raya open house. I know, it's such a first world problem. I know, there are other things to worry about. But this, has been bugging me since the start of the year. WAY BEFORE covid happens. But, this period has also shown me who are my real friends. And I have to say, I am glad I have cut them off from my life. That's part 1 of  a good 2020. 

I started being friends with them when I was 20. Its a change from the usual group of friends I had before. I admit that I did used to crave for their attention at that age. Acceptance. I just wanted to feel like I belong. But as time goes by, I realised being around such toxic surrounding is not helping with my mental health or my own values. I was suffering a lot of from depression and anxiety. I couldn't find a proper of a way to seek for help because I know they don't believe it existed. They would think it's just all in my head.

My parents taught me to know what's right and wrong. They also taught me how to be logical and never ever back down if you have opinions. But being around with them, I was so scared of voicing my opinion because their conservative thinking. Once, I had an argument with one of them about my views of the roles of girls in the household and how I do not support polygamy. I know, such a controversial topic. One of my guy friend was so misogynistic that I was so disgusted by his one-side illogical views. My other friend who happened to be a girl would always follow his ideology and often side with him. "so much for girl power" 🙄She is quite gullible? Sometimes, I think she just need a knock of reality to know what is happening beyond her rose-colored glasses.

I know sometimes I have the tendency to be as someone who thinks she know it all. It's an annoying habit I have. But I don't mind correcting whatever is wrong and correcting it based from a logical side. If we need to learn something together, then let's do it. But you know how tiring it can be when you tried to educate someone but they are so ignorant and think that their way is the right way. I am tired of wasting my breath on these kind of people.

It's June anyway. A brand new month. And I decided that it's time to cut them off. Out of sight, out of mind , as they would say. And I am happy with the change. I usually don't really like changes but this change has made me a better person and I want to stick with the value that I am brought up with. You know how toxic the person are until you had a moment without them and you realised life is so much better.