I don't know who to trust

Honestly, with all the lies that has been spouting lately from my loved ones..
I don't know who should I believe at the moment.
A month ago, sister promised us that we would be heading to the Japan for the holidays.
I guess it would be my fault too because I believe in her.
Why should I right? She is my sister.
I know, I know.. she has told a lot of lies before all of these
But since she met S, she has been a healthy life with "no lies"
One more month, just a few days before the "supposed" day we go Japan,
seems like there is no answer.
And obviously she's avoiding me and my brother like last year
No mentioned of the purchase of the air tickets...
Wow, so much of giving us so much hope that we can experience Japan

Honestly, I'm at my end wits already
(not because I couldn't go Japan)
But lately, my mind is so complex.
I'm so tired of living.
Always blaming myself for my living existence.
In my mind, voices always tell me 'its better if you're not here"
I wish I could just die already.
I feel so useless.
What's the point of living when everyone is gonna blame you for everything
Honestly, if I wasn't here, maybe the household expense wouldn't be expensive
I am the only one who is going to a private school and it's so so bloody expensive
And for my schoolwork,
Printing uses a lot of money
And I always use my parent's money for printing
Maybe if I wasnt alive,
maybe my parents would still have money to pamper themselves.
Maybe my brother would have achieve his dreams to be a pilot
Maybe the household would be more peaceful without me
And I don't even fucking know what I might be doing in the future..
Maybe the world would be a better place too
Why am I so useless